Your Bearshark and You: A Handler’s Guide

Your BearShark And You: Bribery

Posted on Monday, May 16th, 2011 at 2:34 pm.

BearSharks can also be bribed with toys.

Your BearShark can sometimes be… stubborn. This contrariness is part of their majestic charm, but can occasionally be trying for even the most patient handlers. Luckily, there is an easy and straightforward solution that’s both humane to your BearShark and satisfying to the handler: bribery.

While BearSharks are fond of many things, such as naps and backrubs, food is by far and away the most effective bribe item. BearSharks regard hunger as a very powerful motivator, and a hungry BearShark is a grumpy BearShark. Offering something tasty is an absolutely surefire way to put …

Your BearShark And You: Feet

Posted on Monday, May 16th, 2011 at 2:29 pm.

BearSharks often decorate their feet with tattoos.

Your BearShark’s hind paws are incredibly sensitive. This is a crucial piece of information that’s often a surprise to new BearShark handlers. The feet of your BearShark should only be handled with the utmost care and delicacy.

It’s theorized that this incredible sensitivity is partially due to their pattern of activity. BearSharks spend a good deal of their time screaming in bands, either doing performances or rehearsing, and have a tendency to jump about a lot, landing hard on their feet. However, even when not made extra sensitive by vigorous activity, they still display …

Your Bearshark and You: Foraging

Posted on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011 at 1:58 pm.

While they are unquestionably apex predators, capable of bringing down large prey items with ease, Bearsharks are predominantly foragers. Their ingenuity, combined with their hearty appetite, dictates that they will range far and wide in search of suitable sustenance.

Here we see the BearShark attempting to eat a house cat.

While it’s true that your Bearshark is excellent at finding food and satisfying his hunger, the foodstuff they select for themselves may not always be what’s best for their health. It is entirely possible that your Bearshark, left to his own devices, will consume an entire box of Toffiffee, a bag …

Tags: Bearsharks, Love

Your BearShark and You: A Handler’s Guide. Part One.

Posted on Monday, February 28th, 2011 at 5:29 pm.

I am dating one of the loveliest people on the planet. He’s funny and warm and brilliant and talented, and treats me incredibly well. He is also a total weirdo with many emotions. In other words, he is perfect.

My boyfriend, you see, is not just a boyfriend. He is a Bearshark, one of those very rare and ferocious creatures that roam the wilds of Canada, (if by “roam,” you mean screaming in a band, watching MMA and copyediting). As one of the highly privileged few who has had the opportunity to be a Bearshark Handler, I have begun to put together …

Tags: Bearsharks, Love